Plain-English answers, written for tired parents

The SEND journey

There is no single "right" age or order for any of this. A good first step is to talk to your child's setting and ask to speak to the SENCO, and to mention your concerns to your GP or health visitor. Keep a simple diary of what you notice — it's some of the most useful evidence you can bring to any appointment.

Most needs are met through SEN Support at school; where they're greater, you can ask for an EHC needs assessment. Above all, you don't have to work it out alone.

Assessments & diagnosis

A referral usually comes from your GP or your child's school — and you can ask either to make one. Waits can be long, but support shouldn't wait for a diagnosis; schools can help based on need.

To prepare, gather specific everyday examples, bring your diary, and write your questions down. A diagnosis can open doors and help your child understand themselves — but your child is the same wonderful person before and after.

Understanding EHCPs

An EHCP is a legal document maintained by your local authority for children whose needs can't be met by SEN Support alone. A parent, school or young person (16+) can request an EHC needs assessment in writing — you don't need the school's permission.

The authority has 6 weeks to decide whether to assess, and the whole process should take no more than 20 weeks. If you're refused, you can try mediation and appeal to the SEND Tribunal — many appeals succeed.

Sensory needs at home

Some children are over-responsive to sound, light or texture; others seek movement and pressure. A few small changes help: a calm corner, softer lighting, removing scratchy labels, movement breaks, and fidget or chew tools.

Predictability is calming — simple visual timetables and a gentle warning before transitions prevent a lot of distress. If sensory differences affect daily life, ask about a referral to an occupational therapist.

Talking to school

Before a meeting, write down two or three clear aims and bring specific examples. Good questions to ask: what support is in place now, how is it working, what's the plan, who's responsible, and when will we review it?

Aim for a team relationship with the SENCO, and follow up in writing afterwards to confirm what was agreed. If you're stuck, your free local SENDIASS service can help.

Caring for the carer

Running on empty takes a toll — exhaustion or feeling numb are signs you need support, not failings. Protect a little time that's yours, lower the bar on non-essentials, and accept help when it's offered.

You have the right to ask your local authority for a Carer's Assessment, you may be eligible for Carer's Allowance, and letting your GP know you're a carer can unlock local support. Peer support helps most of all.

These guides offer general information for parents and carers in the UK and aren't a substitute for professional advice. For decisions about your child, speak to the relevant professional or your local authority's free SENDIASS service.